This is for the single ladies. YOU ARE ENOUGH. I say it again because it's important that you get the message. You are STRONG. You are SMART. You are BEAUTIFUL. You are AMAZING.
We live in a world where it is frowned upon to be a single woman in your twenties or even thirties, so much so that it can lead a woman to question her worth. This is not okay! One of my biggest pet peeves as a single woman is when people tell me about how I should go about "finding" a man or what THEY will do to help me to find a man. What?! What is this?! Some days when people say these things to me, I feel like I should be on the Discovery channel, depicted as a hunter...hiding in the tall grasses, awaiting my prey, so I can pounce. Okay, that was a little dramatic, but SERIOUSLY! The comments about "finding" a man are getting ridiculous. I am considering banning the word "find" from my vocabulary.
Now, I want to be clear. I am in no way against marriage or relationships. I think they are wonderful. I am so incredibly happy for my friends and family who are getting married and having kids! Eventually, I hope to get married and have kids, too! My problem is with the pressure on 20-something women to hurry up and "find" a man to marry...like our main goal at this point in our lives should be to hunt down a man and convince him to marry us. My problem is that not meeting this "standard" can convince women that they are not worthy of love or that something is wrong with them, when that is simply not true.
Let me tell you about my experience with this and what I learned....
I've been there. I thought I had it all in my last serious relationship. I thought that was it. And when we broke up, I realized that I was 24, single, in a brand new city with a bunch of married friends, and zero prospects. I had put my heart and soul into that relationship, just to have my heart crushed. What was wrong with me? Was I unlovable? Or was I unworthy of someone else's love? Let me tell you, it was a ROUGH few months with some of the lowest lows I have ever experienced. But do you know what? I NEEDED all of that to happen. I NEEDED that relationship to end. I NEEDED to experience the lows and the bumps in the road that came afterwards.
I jumped into the online dating scene right away. I felt like I had to or I would be single forever. And let's just be real here, I know everyone does online dating, but I had a love-hate relationship with the process. Sure, it was convenient, but it allowed me to be soooo judgmental. I went on a few dates and I even challenged myself to go out with guys that I wouldn't have normally picked out of a crowd, so that I could convince myself that I was keeping an open mind. Don't get me wrong, I had some fun, but I realized that I was just dating because I felt like I had to, so I didn't get left in the dust by all of my married friends. I dated to "find" someone...anyone.
It was about a year ago that I realized that I didn't need (or want) to actively participate in the dating scene. And in the last year, EVERYTHING has changed. I decided to focus on ME. I was 25 and still had NO idea who I was. Can you say SCARY?! I was terrified. I had spent most of my life trying to "find" someone. Ever since high school, my best friend and I would read all the articles about how to find a boyfriend, get a man, etc. Why wouldn't we? We thought we were supposed to do that! I don't want to call all of it time wasted because each relationship that I had taught me a lot about myself and about what I need to be happy in the long term.
I can't pin-point the moment that it happened, but sometime in the last year, I finally figured out who I wanted to be (for the most part!) and started to work toward becoming that woman. Dating and "finding" a man became secondary to my main life goal: create that woman. Now, as I have dating opportunities, something that is always at the forefront of my mind is whether or not he encourages and inspires me to continue my journey of SELF fulfillment. No joke. It sounds self-centered, but why would I want to settle for someone who doesn't? Just for the sake of a culturally acceptable timeline? No. I would rather be alone, knowing my true self, than be lost in someone else. And in a weird way, I am so proud of myself for finding this strength because two years ago, I couldn't.
I discovered that I AM ENOUGH. If and when the right guy comes along...awesome! I can't wait to embark on that journey with him and to grow as a couple! But until than, I AM ENOUGH. And YOU ARE ENOUGH, too. Ladies, don't you EVER forget that! Don't feel like you NEED to find a man to be validated. Don't feel compelled to stick to a timeline. I know sometimes it sucks to be the only single cousin at Christmas or the only one of your friends who isn't married and having kids. I get it. But don't let those few moments keep you from remembering your strength, power, and beauty.
YOU ARE ENOUGH.
Peace, love, & hugs,
Anne
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